Strength in Sisters
“Out of suffering emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars”
In my twenty-six years of life, I heard numerous times that strength comes in numbers. I am one of four girls. As the second oldest, I have been through many trials and tribulations both with my sisters, and by myself. I can tell by my peers, and family members that I am perceived as "the strong one." The truth is, my sisters are much stronger than me. In fact, I get my strength from them.
When I was younger, maybe fifteen, I did not want to live. Too scared to end my life, I lived recklessly. Travelling on the train at two in the morning, I drank and partied far too often. I still had not come to terms with the death of my father. I had many friends that I kept around me in order to feel like I was apart of something. Still, I felt alone. My friends and I teased countless numbers of people. We smothered each other with compliments because not one of us had enough self esteem to be happy with our bodies, or lives for that matter. You know it had to be bad when your worth came from the amount of guys who expressed interest in you. Boyfriend? Oh, she is the best looking in the group!
Ashamed, I used to look back at my life which was pretty good and wonder why I felt like I did not care if I lived or died. To take my life when there are billions of people who are struggling for theirs would be pointless. I have a purpose. The sooner I figured that out, the better my life became, and the more I received my blessings instead of totally missing them.
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"How would you feel if I adopted your best friend?",my mom asked the summer of 2001. Who would be upset when they find out that their best friend is becoming their sister? We were inseparable from the sixth grade. My mother is awesome, and I already shared her with two others. What was the harm in adding one more to the family? I had never missed school unless I had the chicken pox or the flu. An education is not to be played with, it is to be used to our advantage. My best friend missed many days of school, this did not go unnoticed by my mother. No pictures for my bestfriend, and our guidance counselor was very fond of her. We had a common denominator, we both felt abandoned by a parent. Both of her parents were still alive, though.
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"Your sister is on the way to the hospital now", said my mother, discomfort filled her voice. "I'm on my way now,"I said, feeling not quite right. I prayed for strength, and peace as I rushed to the hospital from my home. As I approached my stop on the Metro North, my phone rang. "Hello," I said but there was silence. "The baby died, my mom cried." "What?", I said in disbelief. I knew what I heard just moments ago. "I'll be there soon, I'm getting off the train now."
I cried the rest of the way to the hospital. How do you comfort one of your favorite people in the world during such a tremendous loss? I felt his kicks, I spoke about being the favorite auntie, and I loved him like he was already outside of the womb, and just like that....he was gone.
A part of all of us died that day.
~~~
"My first choice is Princeton and my second choice is Harvard,"my sister said at the age of eleven. It is funny how alike we are yet so different in the same token. At the age of eleven, I was happy. I had a baby doll of a sister to take care of while mom slept, or went to work. At the age of eleven, my baby sister had colleges picked out. College was not seriously thought about until I was a sophomore in high school. Decision making was not always my strong suit. Plan after plan was abandoned as my mind changed when things got tough. I finally followed through with a plan. Sooner than later, I became side tracked by love that began abruptly... not how we planned. I admire how much she enjoys life, and how spiritual she is at such a tender age.
They all have given me life. God saved me when he blessed me with each of them...
My sisters...
My strength...
We all have scars and for that, we are better individuals. Thanks be to God.
-Shay Nefeteria
Sisters.April 2014. Shay Nefeteria