Truth Telling Tuesdays: Blending Families

Hello Ribbies,

The topic of the day is 'blending' families.

Is everyone ready for a little transparency?

I  am a 'work in progress.' Sharing my children is not an easy task. The term sharing probably sounds like I take ownership of my children. I do not believe in ownership in any given relationship. We were one entity. Now we are two separate entities attempting to become one with an extra party. Does that make sense? Over time, sharing the boys has become more of a lifestyle. At first, it was an internal battle. Every visit with their dad was super hard. At one point, the boys were with me all the time. Also, my children's father and I, simply, do not agree on many things. One of our main issues to date is a very sensitive issue. Blending our family with that of his girlfriend. I'm here for organic blending. I am a product of a village. I'm not here for manipulation or forcing of relationships of any sort.

It has been a little less than a year since we decided to end our marriage. Life must go on and, the family is growing. Although the divorce is not finalized, there is a baby coming. My main concern is prepping the kids for yet another change in such a short period of time. Children are resilient. Therefore,  I am not worried about the big boys adjusting to the new baby. All that to say, this is new for me and I need to hear from the people! All of you: men and women!

I am a product of a huge blended family but, I am not an expert. My current situation is also messier (for lack of a better term) than my experience.

So, here are my  questions:

Does a new name for the bonus mom/dad come with marriage?

Should the children call their mother/father's significant other's family by their title or nicknames (i.e. grandma/grandpa vs. a nickname) before marriage? Should this change with marriage?

Lastly, do these conversations happen with all parents or separately?

I have my opinions on these questions but, I want to hear from all of you.

Let's be respectful and leave judgment in someone else's comments not here.

I'm open to suggestions and more importantly, solutions.

Someone write a manual, PLEASE!

xoxo,

Shay Nefeteria